Sara Winters

Let's talk about the joys of abstinence! No, kidding.

Over the years I've noticed (and experienced) some unfounded fears about anal sex. I've heard everything from it hurts like hell every time to the number of diseases it spreads numbering in the dozens. After some *ahem* research, I want to address these issues. This post will serve to educate those who have never tried it or who have just had a bad experience and are willing to try again. Luckily (or not, depending on how curious you are), I won't be able to post photos.

Myth number one: Oh, the excrutiating pain!

Hardly. I don't know. Maybe I haven't experienced this because I haven't let my friend with the ten inch weapon get anywhere near my delicate parts in his enthusiasm, but it doesn't have to hurt. Or if it does, it shouldn't be more than mild discomfort. If you follow the guidelines I'm going to post below, you should have a relatively pain-free experience on the receiving end.

Myth number two: Every conceivable disease will manifest itself from this kind of contact.

No. Well, let me clarify. We smart, responsible adults know to use protection in various sexual situations, right? For male/female couples, using condoms during anal sex can prevent the spread of bacteria to the vaginal area. Simply put, if you're going in the back way first, use a fresh condom before vaginal sex (or take off the used one if you go bareback that way). Easy way to keep fecal matter from going where it doesn't belong.

Myth number three: Butt play is only for gay men and women.

Not true, but I'm not going to sell any men on that one. I can only say find a partner you trust (*ahem* hetero men, I am talking to you) and let them know it wouldn't be the end of the world if they experimented with a finger or tongue or whatever you mumble out when you think they're half listening. Not shy about asking to try new things? Good for you. There are all kinds of fun ways to explore the area.

Tips For a Pleasurable Experience

Use lube. Lots of it. If you think you have enough, add a few more drops. No matter what you may have heard or seen, you need lube. In porn, they may not always show it, but trust me, it's there. In romance novels, they might skip it, but that's not reality. The reality is, serious tissue damage could result from going in dry. The idea of making it rough might seem sexy, but explaining those kinds of injuries to a doctor (and applying the medications they prescribe afterwards) isn't worth the trouble. Besides that, one bottle of lube lasts for eons. So, go nuts with it, but use it. I happen to like Astroglide, but I have it on good authority you'll get the best bang for your buck from Gun Oil or Eros brands.

If it hurts, stop. Yes, there might be some initial discomfort (a feeling of pressure or a little tightness until the muscle loosens up), but if there is pain, stop. Take a break and come back the next day, or a few days later.

For beginners or those with limited experience, that initial penetration can cause some tension. Several things can help. First, be aroused. Yes, I prescribe lots of foreplay. I know it sounds obvious, but the more turned on you are when you begin, the more relaxed your body will be. Also, try initiating penetration with a finger (or several) at first, always using lube, to let the muscle adjust. I know this sounds weird, but another thing that works is to push down with the muscle during penetration. Yes, that is exactly how it sounds, but it works. A position that makes it easier for beginners is to lay on their side with the knees pulled up towards the chest, the fetal position. After the first penetration, the bottom partner may tense up and that's normal. Just give your body a few seconds to a minute to adjust and you'll feel the muscle loosen up. Then you can give your partner the go ahead to continue. Go slow at first and then do whatever feels good.

If, after reading this, you're ready to try but are still unsure about doing it with your partner (or don't have one), there are ways to prepare yourself. There are kits like this one which help you adjust to different sizes or toys like this one, which is small but the vibration helps muscles loosen up. (The links are from Amazon, but I wouldn't recommend clicking on them if your boss might walk by.) Both types of toys are good for beginners trying it out or those with a little more experience looking into toy play.

For more information, I recommend Enjoy Anal Sex by Hadyn Thomas and An Insight Into Men and Anal Sex by Mark Alders. Both free books were written with men in mind, but the tips and advice can easily apply to women as well.

Hm, how do I close out a post like this? Happy plugging? No. Uh...May your parts be well lubricated and your Os be out of this world.